He Wishes To Wake With Amnesia
by ausllyxaustinally
Summary: Austin misses Ally now that she has moved on from him. Based off of the song "Amnesia" by 5SOS.


Austin Moon was sitting outside the mall inside his new car. He stared at that mall and found himself lost in a flashback of the moments in the practice room with his favourite girl: Ally Dawson. He recalled the way it felt when he touched her finger tips on the piano keys on the days when they locked themselves in that room and wrote songs all day. His eyes find the photo on his dash. The one photo that he won't remove, the one photo that because he won't remove it, his girlfriend broke it off with him. He didn't care. He would never take this photo off his dash. He's got his arm slung over the shoulders of a beautiful girl who is smiling wide. He had caused that smile. He ignored the burning feeling in his stomach when he remembered kissing her on her porch that night and that her tongue tasted like the licorice that she had just eaten and how her kiss made him feel like flying. He swore he'd never let her go, never stop being there for her. He had lied to her and that was the most painful part. He calls up Trish every now and again and she hurts him by telling him that Ally is doing so well. He hoped for a different answer.

Austin's gaze is pulled off the picture by a homeless guy knocking on his window and gesturing for some money. Austin sighs and looks away, staring blankly at the steering wheel in front of him. For a moment, he thinks he hears Ally telling Austin to give the man some money despite that he might use it for something that's not food, but Austin reminds himself that Ally is probably somewhere in a restaurant with her new boyfriend. He wonders if Ally still feels his absence, despite how wonderful Gavin treats her. She has to feel that absence, that loneliness. Austin does. He always will. Ally was his everything. She will always be his everything and he wishes something would numb the pain that burns a hole through his chest.

A couple weeks later, Austin isn't any better. He's sitting on his bed, messing with the guitar strings and trying to pick up some lyrics but Ally was the only one who was good at that. His career dropped when he dropped Ally. He had managed to find a couple songwriters but they didn't know him the way Ally did. Their songs weren't fun and memorable, they were sinister and too deep that the feeling inside them was nearly untouchable. Ally always let him touch the feeling in her songs. The songwriter's just couldn't get the words right the way Ally could. Why did she have to leave?

His phone buzzes and he looks at the message from Dez. He informs Austin that Trish has just told him that Gavin has dumped Ally and told her that she was lame, uptight, and overall, the _worst_ girlfriend he's ever had. Austin couldn't say the same. Austin's stomach twists as he thinks about the dried up tears that must be on Ally's cheeks. He wonders if she's digging through a box of old things and searching for that 'Thinking Of You' card he'd given her when he had left with tour that one time without her when they were seventeen. He shakes his head and just prays to God that she is. Because he meant every damn word in that card, the only thing he forgot to mention was that he loved her. He really should have said that, don't you think?

A few days after that, Austin is walking on the sidewalk. People still noticed him every now and again, but the recognition was fading but Austin didn't mind because he didn't want the fame anymore. Not without his girl. The girl he lost out of his own stupidity. He thinks it's appropriate to blame himself. The rain is dripping along his hair and he's desperately trying to be okay that Dez is telling him about how Ally is taking her break up well and when Austin asks about how she's doing without Austin himself, Dez shakes his head and waves a dismissive hand because Ally is doing _fantastic. _She's perfectly well, not even a word about Austin. That hurts because whatever Austin and Ally had was totally real. It was real because he felt it whenever he was with her, whenever she would walk in the room and smile at him with a sparkle in her big, doe eyes. He feels like he can't breathe now. She has to be lying because Austin isn't fine, so how could she be?

Austin straightens his thoughts because Ally left first! But he is the one that complained that they couldn't do something so long distance - Austin refused to try! You know, if Ally hadn't left, things could be just fine. Then again, if he would've just tested the rough waters, they could still be fine even if she had left. But he let her slip from his fingertips and he didn't try to catch her again. She broke into pieces and he watched her, even ignoring that it broke him, too.

It shouldn't hurt that Ally has moved on. Of course Austin dreamt of marrying her and having children with her, growing old with her but he should be fine now. After all, it's been nearly a year and a half. Why isn't he over it? Austin loves her, that's why. If Austin could run in front of a bus, he'd do it. Well, okay, he wants to take that thought back because Austin doesn't plan on dying, maybe he'd just run in front of a car instead and hope that he'd wake with amnesia and forget about Ally, forget about those restless summer nights when he called her and asked to write a song and she would do it in a heartbeat, forget those nights when he'd sneak through her window because she wanted to be close to him while she slept, and he'd forget what it felt like to have her curled into his side with her soft breathing fanning his neck. Austin is not fine.

Another week is over and Austin is lying down in his bed. He can hear the sound of a parade from the next street over. He glances at his phone that he has turned off because he'd rather not be interrupted tonight. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to not think anymore. The parade was just a reminder of the day Ally had sent him those photos of herself and Trish at the parade, when he couldn't make it because he had an interview. He saved those photos and it was only yesterday that he decided to take it off of his background because he didn't want anyone to know that he wasn't over her yet.

There's a loud knock on his door and he shuffles out of bed. Sure, it's only 7:35 P.M. but Austin is tired of being awake. He opens the door and sees Dez and Trish standing there. "Austin!" his best friend, Dez, shrieks. "You're missing the parade!"

"Yeah, I know," Austin says dully because he really doesn't care, he just needs to sleep.

"You never come around, Austin," Trish folds her arms in front of her chest and sends him a disapproving look. "Is this because of Ally?"

"No, Trish," he denies, but it's the truth. Trish believes him because Ally has moved on, so surely Austin should have, too. Dez and Trish start to list all the times he hasn't come around for a long time, but Austin tunes them out because Trish suddenly mentions Ally and it hurts like somebody is stabbing a metal rod through his chest because it's another reminder about how Ally is smiling and laughing right now and he's not the cause, and she's happy without him. She's moved on.

Maybe Ally deserves to have moved on because she was so great. The best woman in the world and everybody knew it. It was his fault that he told her, while watching the makeup stain her face, that he didn't want a long distance relationship, that he didn't care if she left him. He realizes that the guilt trip didn't work on her. He realizes how selfish he was because Ally only wanted to go to that writing school because she thought it would help her become everything she's ever wanted. But Austin wanted to be everything she ever wanted. Austin hopes the roof caves in now because he wants amnesia so bad.

A month later, he thinks he's moving on but he wakes up with loneliness puncturing his heart and he breaks all over again. He doesn't cry about it anymore, because he's run out of tears and now it's just the numbing ache that never goes away. Ally would look really good like next to him if she were here right now. Maybe he'd curl her towards his chest and count the curves and edges of her vertebrae when he traced his finger tips along her spine. He could make her giggle and then he'd kiss her smiling lips. He'd just wrap her up into him and he would refuse to let her go, he wouldn't let her slip through his finger tips. That way he'd never want to have amnesia because he wouldn't want to miss a single moment with his girl and he'd never have a numb ache in his chest. He would love to be haunted by their memories because they were the best ever and he wouldn't wish that their relationship had been nothing more than a stupid dream.

But Austin isn't fine, Ally is not beside him, and he still wishes he had amnesia.

**So this was a requested one shot that I scribbled down quickly. Not sure if this totally follows the song "Amnesia" but I tried to make it my own so...this is what I got. I prefer happy endings but happiness is not a part of the song so... oh well.**


End file.
